MY JOURNEY SO FAR
"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking back" - Steve Jobs
Looking back, almost all my decisions were based on running away from depression.
Along with a degree, I graduated college with undiagnosed major depression. For the first time in my life, I had all the freedom in the world, but instead of liberation, it felt like a cruel joke. I decided that the best solution was to change my physical surroundings.
Hello Colorado.
I chose Colorado to chase my love of snowboarding, and for a while, life was dreamy. I was on the mountain everyday, making new friends, and had left all my problems behind.
Inevitably everything shiny became grey and dull. Anxiety and self doubt started ruling my every move. I struggled to leave my room, eat enough calories, and stay in communication with my family.
Enter the love of my life.
Then something unexpected happened. I met a man who was sweet, funny, and adventurous. He lit up my world and I almost felt cured when I was with him. After months of fishing, camping, and hiking together, I was hit with the realization that I had fallen in love.
Unfortunately, as any trained professional would tell you, being distracted from your problems is not the same as solving them.
Just Keep Moving.
The first time Sawyer mentioned living nomadically, I didn’t think much of it. Though as my depression became more prevalent in my life again, I started looking for solutions. The only way I had learned to “solve” my mood issues in the past was to start over fresh.
Naturally I concluded that if I was constantly moving, then I would never be depressed! I called him up and asked “how serious were you about moving into a cargo trailer and living on the road?”. He responded without hesitation, “Dead-ass serious”.
Just like that we changed our lives dramatically to make our dreams of van life, a reality.
On the Road.
Life on the road started just as Colorado did, as a dream. We were having new adventures everyday and discovering places that we had never even dreamed of.
As could be predicted, depression crept back into my life. About a year after living nomadically, my depression completely owned me. I had anxiety attacks, random bouts of crying, and was filled with hopelessness. After a full week of only getting out of bed to use the restroom, Sawyer asked me to get help.
I went to a doctor and was diagnosed with moderate major depression. A plan to get me healthy was created and put into action.
Depression Management.
A year and a half of counseling, switching medications, and constant ups and downs went by before I started feeling consistently okay.
Life was finally becoming more than just survival with the help of my psychiatrist. I could get out of bed and stay out long enough to finish tasks. I could go on a hike without thinking about how sad I was and how I just needed to be better. I could finally work on the problems that were holding me back with my counselor, instead of just trying to make it through another week.
Enter Treks with Beks
The biggest change since being diagnosed and working on my mental health, is that my decisions are now based on feeling good and creating the life I want, instead of running from a life I don’t.
Hiking, mountain biking, snowboarding, kayaking, exploring, traveling, etc. are what makes life worth living for me.
Through my blog, social media, and courses, I hope to inspire you to create a life based on what feels good instead of avoiding what doesn’t.
So what re you waiting for? Your next adventure is just around the corner!
